Love Letter| To the girl I used to know
In 2018, I introduced P.S. I love me, too. I was experiencing what I would call a weird phase of my journey. There were a lot of different things happening to me (pay attention to these choice of words) during that time. Imagine, a young black girl, pretty driven, a lot to look forward to, working a full time call center job that paid pretty well, I was dating, I was running a creative service business called "Get Crowned," offering custom tutus, t-shirts, designing cups, tumblers, shoes, and a ton of other things. A lot was happening, and I was doing a lot!
I begin listening to podcast pretty often, I thought it was such a cool concept. Now, I always knew what a podcast was but for some reason it was like I had just discovered something new. I thought podcasts were one of those things for old folks who didn't have the patience for social media, ya know? I had a few faves like Blessed & Bossed Up hosted by Tatum Temia and Woman Evolve hosted by Sarah Jakes Roberts. Then, I started to think "wow, I wonder what it would be like if I started my own podcast? How hard could it be, really? I already had a pretty good idea what I would talk about. Talking wasn't hard for me, I did a lot of that. I loved the idea that I didn't have to actually be on camera to get my message out? No-brainer, right? Within a week I had purchased a microphone from Amazon, created an Instagram page, paid for a premium subscription with SoundCloud, created a logo, a ton of graphics, and an intro. There, I was finally a "podcaster."
Baby, was I in for a rude awakening! It was far from that simple. When I begin the journey as a "podcaster," I immediately looked at it as a business. I thought the listeners would come flocking, I would have people paying for sponsorships, and other podcast host would be chasing me down for interviews. Notice how I never mentioned the actual message? Because truth be told, it was the last thing on my mind.
Yeah, I'm a Christian, grew up in church my whole life, knew a couple scriptures, and had a few stories to tell. How hard could it have really been. I was humbled. Life came rushing at me. I quit my job, got my heart broken again by the same person, I hated myself and the way I looked, my relationship with Christ was almost nonexistent at this point too. Girl, a mess, okay? I treated God like an emergency room, I only really consulted Him when things were bad & I needed a fix. So, who was I to "lead" a discussion on trusting God, having faith, consulting Him first...when I myself wasn't even doing it? Times got so dark, that I completely stopped with P.S. I love me, too!
I told myself when I come back I want to be able to practice what I preach. "Christian" was my title, but I was ready for the actual relationship. I was ready to know God deeper than what I learned in Sunday school when I was a child. I also knew that I didn't want to use God as a marketing tactic, I didn't want to use God to play on people's emotions. When I came back I wanted to be better not only for myself but for those whom I'm ministering to, through this podcast.